1. Hey Jack-hole, use some freaking earphones. That’s great, I get it, you like your music and your laptop has speakers. Guess what, none of the rest of us care or want to hear your music. You’re Mr. Mixmaster next big DJ… I get it. And I don’t care. Plug in some freaking headphones.
2. Hey you greedy son of a bitch energy hog, how about not using both plugs in an outlet. Yes, believe it or not this has to be a rule because there are actually people in this world that will have the audacity to plug their laptop into one of the two holes in an outlet and charge their cell phone through the other… Seriously, where were you raised?
3. Finally… Dear quasi-homeless librarian crazy conspiracy theory types, this is not your home. Please don’t move in. I get it, I travel with books, and sometimes snacks from home, etc… but really, this is not your satellite office (or living room) please don’t bring everything and the kitchen sink and spread it all over your small café living space like a person hoarding books, napkins, duffle bags, etc…
Thank you for your attention, with these three simple rules we will all get along much better… and I won’t have to think you are all total jackasses.
Sincerely,
Big Willy Hignight